A melancholy song about breaking down walls and the struggle to fight your inner demons. This song was originally written June 6, 2011, by a very angsty, emotional teenager who had just taught herself the guitar.
It's me, I'm teenager. And it's the first song I ever wrote.
So what could I have possibly been going through to write such a seemingly dark song?
What is this song about?
Want to know the truth? I don't even know.
Did I have a lot of sad and kind of fucked up things happening at the time? Oh for sure.
Is that what this is about? Uh, subconsciously maybe. lol
The truth is songs don't always have to be written with a specific story in mind. I did this by accident simply because I wrote what felt cathartic and sounded good, and matched my current emotional state. It just so happened to make a vague enough song that I was able to mold it. I was embarrassed I didn't have a story to match the lyrics so I made some up.
When I first started sharing the song, it was about my struggle with life and how God breaks these walls down and makes me better. This was during a time I was really good at just saying what people (family) wanted to hear from me because I was desperate for praise, attention, and I had been pressured to learn "Christian Songs" on the guitar and I frankly thought this might get those pressuring me off my back.
As a got older in my young adult life, up until very recently, the new story is: it's about how broken dating had made me, as a potential partner, and this song is about how my now-partner broke those walls down and allowed me to be myself again.
Again, sounds great, but it's disingenuous really.
Recently I decided it's time to actually break some of these walls down that I've built up over the years and just be authentic. It's exhausting putting on a front for people. Part of that authenticity is being honest about my creative process. What I do isn't special or totally unattainable, it's usually luck or by happy accident. It's about how you frame it, I suppose.
But what's the point of continuing the fabrication of the meaning of this song? For sympathy? I mean, other than that, there's no reason to continue it because it's just not true. I'd argue, sticking to one story or another I'm losing the best possible interpretation:
What's the meaning? It's a little meta, but the meaning is *whatever you want it to be*, but for real this time. It's a great example of how music is a very emotional experience for everyone, and art is subjective. To one person it can be about their spiritual struggles, to others it can be a moment of realization they've finally found they can trust someone.
Either way, now you know my deepest darkest secret. Guess we can be friends now, and my friends call me Hails.
